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Tumblr

2011-03-24T23:34:00.000Z

Hello "followers",

I've moved, just in case you were wondering.

Check out me out on my fancy new Tumblr blog!

http://givingupdrugsforlent.tumblr.com/

Day 2 PA (Post Abstinence): Drugs are ok, ok?

2010-02-26T18:45:00.003Z

Here I am in southern hemisphere and, contentedly, back on the booze. My dismount from the wagon was rather graceful, if I do say so myself. Rather than a massive bender incorporating shots at some dodgy strip bar, instead my dad poured me a glass of nice New Zealand pinot noir prior to dinner.

I swirled the scarlet wine around my glass and enjoyed the heady bouquet, then took a sip. It felt good, like coming home. Intoxicated by alcohol, sunshine and familial bonhomie, I couldn't help but be reminded how good life can be. I only had a couple of glasses and passed out shortly after dinner altho I think that was probably more to do with the jet lag rather than total lack of drinking skills.

Last night I had a beer, a glass of wine and a post dinner brandy while watching our hapless cricket team get brutalized by the Australians. This time I stayed awake till about 10pm but still woke up this morning at 4. As I lay there I trying to doze, I thought about international drug policy. Yes really.

I thought about the ACMD (Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs, a body set up to advise the government of the United Kingdom) MDMA review meeting I attended in September 2008.

Professor Val Curran's conclusion? The long term differences between ecstasy users and non ecstasy users is of "no clinical significance". Short term obviously most people have lots of fun and the risks are comparable with horse riding.

I thought about overcrowded prisons and my few hours in a jail cell in Glasgow, arrested for possession of a small chunk of hash and "yer attitude".

Mexico and the continuing stream of brutal murders related to the cocaine trade came to mind.

I wondered what attitudes the kids of friends would form about recreational drug use.

I tried to imagine leader of the UK Conservative Party David Cameron discussing the issue with his party, perhaps with London mayor Boris Johnson.

"Yes, cannabis is dangerous, but no more than other perfectly legal drugs. It's time for a rethink, and the Tory party - the funkiest, most jiving party on Earth - is where it's happening."

So, GUDBL says go the Tories.

Let's have a nice sensible debate and hopefully come up with the unradical policy framework based around a drug classification system based on the actual harm and merits of their use.

No music today, just some further reading from UK think tank Transform, who've published 'After the War on Drugs: Blueprint for Regulation' which you can download for free here:

http://www.tdpf.org.uk/blueprint

Week 6: Phase out, phase in

2010-02-22T22:55:00.000Z

Weird thoughts have been running around my head, in that weird way they do. Pitter-pattering down corridors of my mind, playing peekabo early in the morning, shouting randomly from behind walls like a Tourette's sufferer.

Thoughts like 'Maybe I should take a year off drinking', 'Are great big bongs really such a good thing?', 'Let's not get wankered!'

Last Friday I went to my mate Rob's birthday party at the New Rose pub (n1 8lu). Prior to the day I thought it could be a good occasion to have a pint but for some reason as I made my way thru Angel I didn't feel like it.

I was road testing the suit I'd just bought for the wedding I am to attend on March 6, so I looked a little different from my usual scruffy self, despite my homeless man-style beard.

My finances were liquid but but my stomach felt a little unsettled, definitely not ready to be doused in booze. I recalled the mild nausea I usually experienced after a few beers and figured now was not the time to reacquaint myself with the inside of a pint glass.

The birthday boy is a reader of GUDBL and introduced me to some friends as the sober blogger, which of course elicited questions like 'What the hell do you think you're doing man?'

Actually they didn't say that and were very nice, albeit curious as to my motivation.

Right now so am I. I know where I'm from. I know where I be. I don't know where I'm going.

Long term anyway. Obviously I know what my immediate itinerary is. Tomorrow I'm off home, to New Zealand, for the first time in almost three years.

I'm desperate to see my family but already worried about the wrench I'll feel when I depart again. I can't wait to see friends but am wondering how much I'll have in common, especially if I continue living here in Europe.

I want to affect public policy and influence cultural debate but I can't see how I'd do that at the other end of the world, even in this networked age.

I feel I need to be in the thick of it but I think the trick is to take a step back.

Really I've been a bit of spectator since 2001, when I started to drive regularly in the course of my professional duties reporting on the club scene in Ibiza.

The roads there are viciously dangerous due to the numbers of drugged drivers, even tho law enforcement is sporadically strict. So between the cops and the cunted I figured it was wise to take due care, and managed to neither incur any fines nor perish in a mangled wreck.

Despite my continuing involvement in the intense leisure industry, I could be described as semi-retired. Even before this most recent period of abstinence I was more inclined to make a cameo appearance rather than be there as the credits rolled.

Regular recreational drug use is by definition fun but clearly consumes time and other resources. I got a lot out of it, and to not an inconsiderable extent shaped the person I am today.

But I'm not willing to invest as much in it personally, even if I defend the practice of others. I intend to campaign for a system of drug classification based on science and community values. Additionally I believe the contribution drug use makes to the creative industries should be recognized.

Hopefully I'll use the anticipated extra time productively.

Getting stupendously baked never stopped some guys from making sweet sweet music tho - download the Gui Boratto remix of Massive Attack's Paradise Circus featuring Hope Sandoval right here:
http://rcrdlbl.com/artists/Massive_Attack/track/Paradise_Circus_feat_Hope_Sandoval_Gui_Boratto_Remix_

Shoreditch Church (e1 6jn) - February 2010

Week 5: The numbers game

2010-02-16T22:01:00.001Z

At least half if not more of the people I know have tattoos, and after years of prevarication I'm inked myself.

Why'd I get a tattoo? All the usual reasons really - to look tough, impress girls, boredom

41°S 175°E is where I was born, rounded to the nearest degree. mfstuart is me. Further round is 52°N 0°W, London town, where I got the tattoo and where I am now.

I lived above a tattoo parlour in Ibiza for about a month, the needles buzzing asleep and awake. Most of the strippers at the club where I worked for a season were significantly tattooed, the beaches were a walking tapestry of body art. I knew I wanted one, but I didn't know what.

Then in the last year or so the idea formed. A couple of weeks ago I couldn't sleep and as I lay there I thought of being tattooed, so I figured now was the time to take the plunge. My mind felt clear, my system strong.

Making the appointment last week at the parlour round the corner from my office I felt nervous, but on the morning I was due to get inked I was calm. Afterwards tho was a different story.

Internally I was conflicted. The tattooist, Adam, gave me exactly what I asked for but I didn't feel like I was in safe hands during the process. The music playing at random on his iPod was mostly confrontational metal, atlho not long after he started the familiar opening chords of Led Zeppelin's 'Whole Lotta Love' rang out, and Adam got into his groove. It hurt, in parts.

After he was done I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. It looked right, but it didn't look like me. The wound was raw. Under the dressing the tat seemed more challenging and less decorative than I'd anticipated. Kind of stark, a bit prison-y.

With my full beard, lettered neck and dark circles under my eyes, I looked a bit like Adam. I paid and shook the man's hand. 'You'll be back,' he said confidently. His instinct was accurate; I felt the urge for more ink.

Emotions swirling I debated internally whether to go back to the office straight away or take a walk, but I couldn't think where else to go. I kind of regretted the act, like I'd given something away and not got back what I was expecting. Counter-intuitively perhaps it also made me feel mortal, despite its permanency.

But now I'm more used to it, and the reaction from others has mostly been positive, including people who've known me a long time. I've just emailed a photo to mum and dad - nothing back yet.

I like the way it's my handwriting. I like what it says. I like where it is, altho I'm aware there will be some who will disapprove or dislike it for aesthetic or other reasons. That bothers me, but I like my tattoo more.

~ ~ ~

Lent itself starts tomorrow. I'll probably be just getting into my drinking trousers while Christians around the world are abstaining and observant Muslims are wondering what all the fuss is about.

My Qu'ran study is stalled. Instead I'm reading 'The God Delusion' by Richard Dawkins, suggested reading from my jogging mate Chris. We've been on some good long runs while he trains for a half marathon.

After coming back on Sunday I examined myself in the mirror. I am pale, thin and scrawled upon. It looks alright.

Where my bad bitches? Oh, here:

http://maddecent.com/blog/2010/01/11/gucci-mane-diplo-presents-free-gucci-best-of-the-cold-war-mixtapes/

1. Danger’s Not A Stranger (Diplo Remix)

2. Dope Boy (Bird Peterson Remix)

3. Excuse Me (Memory Tapes Remix)

4. No No No (Brodinski & Monsieur Monsieur Remix)

5. Frowny Face (Douster Remix)

6. Frowny Face (Emynd Remix feat Playboy Tre)

7. I'm Expectin' (Teenwolf Remix)

8. Boi (Zomby Remix)

9. My Shadow (Salem Remix)

10. Excuse Me (Diplo Remix)

11. Photo Shoot (Flying Lotus Remix)

12. I Be Everywhere (Mumdance Remix)

13. I Be Everywhere (DZ Remix)

14. I'm The Shit (Benzi & Willy Joy Remix)

15. Break Yourself (Diplo Remix feat Lil B)

Week 4: I survived a Pete Doherty gig

2010-02-08T22:44:00.001Z

The irony was delicious as beer - straight edge blogging nobody attends gig of Britain's most notorious waster Pete Doherty.

Who's he, you ask? A singer songwriter famous for squiring supermodel Kate Moss and getting caught doing drugs.

Or "gimp" as succinctly put by a colleague who commented on the photo I posted of him mid-performance last Friday night (right).

Earlier that evening at around 4pm I was overtaken by the self-righteous thirst for alcohol of office drones.

However I resisted both then and later after work at the Drunken Monkey (e16pj) where I contented myself with an orange juice. My companion John also stuck to softs, tho the solidarity didn't last long.

He's well up on the narco-indie scene and was unreliably informed of a gig that night at the Woodberry Tavern (n156jh).

When we arrived the signs weren't good - families, coughing drunks and karaoke singers made up the majority of attendees. However after making some enquiries we discovered there was another room out the back, where indeed a concert was scheduled.

To be honest I was still sceptical as Doherty had canceled a couple of other gigs I'd previously planned to attend in Ibiza a few years back.

Altho in this instance there were no "passport issues" to resolve, in the previous few weeks he'd been involved in several newsworthy incidents including a(nother) fatality, and accidentally bringing 13 wraps of smack to court.

His lawyer claimed these were "residual drugs" and he got off with a £750 fine.

On previous occasions Pete has not been so fortunate, and jail time resulted. During one of these occasions he formed a friendship with Rastafari the General, who collaborated with Doherty on 'Pentonville', which features the catchy lyrics "So A Wing, B Wing, C Wing and G Wing / Come help us sing".

The General was a perfect choice for master of ceremonies for the evening and was tasked with taking the mic and ushering those who'd assembled early in the cold outdoors, whereupon we were ushered back inside and relieved of £15 en route.

"Make donation, for the Haitians," he urged.

John was on the booze by this point and I must admit I did have a swig of his Stella, which tasted amazing. I did consider diving headlong into a pint but held strong.

Perhaps not surprisingly a skunky odour was distinctly detectable which almost made me salivate especially as the environment became more raucous.

After the the troops whipped thru a few Bob Marley numbers it was time for Cal Roberts, an entertainingly angry young solo singer and guitar player who counts "drugs, mugs, teenage thugs" among his influences, according to his MySpace. He's Welsh.

Following him were the Boicotts, a jangly Jap-indie group with really good hair. At some point Doherty himself showed, to my mild astonishment.

After a short encore from Cousin Ichi (left, from their MySpace) and friends the headliner took to the stage.

Illuminated by flashes from pocket cameras, vocals purposely distorted, the troubadour sang beautifully and evocatively of love and hopeless heroes.

It was beautiful, especially given the intimacy of the occasion and genuine rapport between star and the starry-eyed.

The moment didn't last long mind, and after a handful of tunes he was off. I was fading, having imbibed nothing more stimulating than a Red Bull, so I chipped too.

John stayed, and reacquainted himself with the artists after closing time. The previous time he'd associated with Pete he was snogging Amy Winehouse at V Festival '09. Fact!

Download For Lovers by Wolfman and Pete Doherty here*:
http://pete-doherty-wolfman-for-lovers-mp3-download.kohit.net/_/650891

*Yes it's almost certainly copyright infringement so absolve yourself by investing in a live gig sometime soon.

Week 3: The desire for desires

2010-02-01T23:16:00.001Z

I am officially rather bored. Neither have I been feeling that great, altho I'm fairly sure that's related to a diet supplement I've been taking over the last month or so, specifically Body Fortress's L-Arginine L-Ornithine L-Lysine tablets.

I don't go to the gym but I do chin ups, press ups and squats (sometimes with a backpack on) and I find protein shakes are good for recovery, altho according to the scales in my flat I haven't gained any weight at all. Bulking up not a major aim of mine and I'm probably doing too much cardio and not enough heavy weights, i.e. none.

Anyway, last time I was in Holland & Barrett I picked up some of the aforementioned tabs and I've been popping them most days. From the directions on the label and a bit of internet research I understand they work best on an empty stomach so I often took one or two before exercise in the morning, maybe a half hour of yoga stretches followed by a run and/or some exercises.

They always made my mouth go really dry and I always drank a lot of water after as I felt dehydrated, leading to many visits to the loo. I also felt a little nauseous with the odd headache; nothing really bad but occasionally I was a bit uncomfortable. I continued because when training they seemed to have a marked effect, especially with regards to endurance. I didn't feel much less tired when training but I've been able to push myself harder and do more work.

Last week I was down the park after completing a run of a few miles, including a good sprint down the touchline of the football pitch. It was cold and after the first set of chin ups and leg ups from the apparatus, thoughtfully provided by whoever maintains Weaver's Field, I was shagged. My hands wouldn't grip the bars and altho I felt pretty good on the run I just figured I had no beans.

Then rather weirdly I started to feel very warm despite the continuing inclement conditions. Even more strangely the fatigue faded from my arms and I on the second set I almost matched the number of repetitions on my first, and the third and fourth weren't bad either, and previously I stop at three.

Last year my fitness improved too, altho it's hard to quantify and be sure of the exact cause. It's probably a combination of the lack of negative effects of smoking and drinking, coupled with an increase in the duration and frequency of training. I don't take a very scientific approach but I do try and listen to my body and currently it feels well, and I'm carrying no injuries. I think the yoga really helps with that too.

I've read the -ines are only really effective if you take them for a month at a time, which sounds like a good excuse to stop so I've put them away and already my stomach feels more settled.

It was also hungry so I just popped a rice cake into the toaster but stupidly left it unattended while I relieved myself. Naturally it's incinerated (see right) and the office alarm went off.

Fortuitously the sparky who installed it gave me instructions for how to silence the screaming alarm and so far no fire engines have showed up, thank Allah.

I think it's time for me to vacate before I do something else stupid.

Float away with this perfectly named Pop Ambient mix:

http://www.kompakt.fm/blog/dVNTA28GXkgg

Pop Ambient - Momente (Mixed By Popnoname)

1. 'Express Yourself' Markus Guentner (Pop Ambient 2003)

2. 'Manana' Gustavo Lamas (Pop Ambient 2001)

3. 'Come To Where I Go' Dirk Leyers (Pop Ambient 2006)

4. 'Bodenweich' DJ Koze (Pop Ambient 2010)

5. 'Wasted Years' Ulf Lohman (Pop Ambient 2005)

6. 'Nightliner' Popnoname (Pop Ambient 2009)

7. 'All (Remix)' Mint (Pop Ambient 2001)

8. 'In Lourdes' Triola (Pop Ambient 2008)

9. 'Sakura' Pass Into Silence (Pop Ambient 2004)

Day 17: The Big C

2010-01-27T10:23:00.001Z

My chances of dying of cancer are pretty good. Both my grandads died of cancer, an uncle died of cancer last year, and probably numerous other relatives.

One of my main motivations to give up smoking cannabis is to avoid the embarrassment of contracting lung cancer. Not that a conclusive link has been established but inhaling smoke just feels bad, shortly before it makes you feel good of course.

Speaking of which, I'm currently basking in the glow you get after you make a charitable donation, in this case in the form of a ticket to Djs vs the Big C at Ministry of Sound in London this Sunday (January 31):

Click this to go the Facebook event

Ok so it's only £10 (plus £1.25 booking fee) and I'm not even sure I'll be able to make it but it's not often the hedonistic, narcissistic dipsticks of the clubbing industry get involved in something like this so I figure it deserves the support.

The organizer is Dean Laidler, a dj and Ibiza fan who also happens to have bowel cancer. Speaking to Bowelcanceruk.org.uk , Dean says he "decided to organise a music event as I want to do something positive to raise funds and awareness of bowel cancer and to show that the disease can also affect younger people. The event is also in memory of a dear friend who sadly lost her battle against this disease.”

Another who has been affected by the disease is Tristan Ingram, whose mother recently got the five year all clear after contracting breast cancer. Tristan organized cancer charity events in Ibiza, which naturally piqued the interest of Dean and his wife Carla, who asked him to play this Sunday.

"How are you and your bowels?" we asked Tristan.

"I'm alright . Been nursing a twisted ligament on my knee but the bowels are fine," he said.

GUDBL: How are Danny Rampling's bowels?

Tristan: I have no idea.

GUDBL: What time are you on?

Tristan: I'm playing 5pm in the Box, before Danny Rampling. After him is X-Press 2, Chris Lake is doing the last hour. In the Bar they've the likes of Graeme Park and John Kelly plus over 30 djs across four rooms.

GUDBL: What plans have you for this year?

I: I'm gonna be doing a lot of dj dates this year as well as heading to Ibiza in the summer. I joined Integrity Artist Management at the end of last year so I can concentrate on the music now. Just done a remix for Blackhole recordings which is sounding phat! Similar style to our remix of La Roux's 'In For The Kill' [Tristan Ingram and Black Russian Festival Mix] which got battered last year. We have done the follow up to the Carl Cox championed 'Perfect Sunrise' [by Wilson, Smallwoood and Ingram] called 'Koko' which is coming out on Armada/Cloud 9 end of February. It also features on Markus Schultz's new Las Vegas album. And finally 'Perfect Sunrise' has been included on Carl Cox Global Underground album 'Black Rock Desert' out beginning of February.

Adjust your mood to the appropriate setting with mixes from http://www.tristaningram.com/downloads.asp

Day 15: Wrestling Muhammad

2010-01-25T22:24:00.007Z

I got started on the Qu'ran, after first reading a very useful paper written by my father comparing it to the Bible. Thanks learned dad!

So far I've managed the first sura (chapter) Al-Fatiha (The Opening), which is not much of an achievement as it's only seven verses, and a chunk of the second, Al-Baqara (The Cow).

A major theme appears to be dividing the world into those for whom Allah is the big cheese, and those who for whom Allah is not. If not, you're in big trouble: no ifs, no grey area, just darkness and punishment. Crumbs. There's not much in the way of compelling rhetoric IMO, tho I concede it probably sounds and looks way better in Arabic.

Obviously this isn't a message likely to endear non-Muslims. I found the going heavy going, and my eyelids drooped after a few pages. Which is when the interesting bit started.

The reduction of my cannabis intake to zero seems once again to have caused my dreams to leave a deeper impression upon my waking life.

the Alhambra, Granada - 2008

This time I was in a rural area in the south west of England. The action, set in the near future, centred on a farmhouse on a hill about a couple of ks up a winding dirt road.

I was with a group of friends, none of whom I think I identified with real world analogues, but I was most certainly very fond of them. Perhaps I may have been related to one or two, but not closely, like maybe cousins.

We were a party in a convoy of cars, playing music on the stereo, traveling up the road to the house, at night. It felt lovely, a warm bubble of light and sound and conversation.

As we pulled up talk turned to what activities might be planned for the evening. I can't recall snatches or phrases verbatim but one of the dominant themes was keeping the noise down as the country, England, was now a caliphate, and governed according to Islamic law. The change was a recent one, and obviously not in keeping with recent local traditions. The general tone was one of amused resentment.

That's about it really, but it felt quite profound when I woke, like I'd watched a really interesting movie or documentary where Muslims were in charge.

Keep it down! Take the mellow road with Lopazz and Casio Casino, tho again it requires you surrender an email address:
http://www.clashmusic.com/feature/dj-mix-podcast-series-lopazz-and-casio-casino

Tracklist for the spotters:
1. Ryuichi Sakamoto - Merry Christmas, Mister Lawrence
2. Beige - The great Krautrock Swindle
3. Two Lone Swordsmen - Cloned Christ on a Hover Donkey
4. Tortoise - Tin Cans (The Puerto Rican Mix)
5. Ghosts of the Civil Dead (OST) - Pop mix
6. Stephen Mallinder - Cool Down
7. Bernd Friedmann - Platin Tundra
8. Curd Duca - Touch
9. Papa Blue - Luna en la Pampa
10. Hu Vibrational - Copa Setic Interlude
11. Cinematic Orchestra - Ode to the Big Sea (Four Tet remix)
12. Atjazz - Story (lo/cal mix)
13. G-Force and Seiji - Circles and Lines
14. Eno Moebius Rodelius - The Belldog

Day 10: Double figures!

2010-01-20T21:35:00.000Z

How's the track list on The Captain's Youth Blood Scandinavian Promo Mix?

Cradle of Filth - Satyriasis

Jinder - Youth Blood

Jinder - Youth Blood (Tomas Andersson Remix)

Stevie Nicks - Stand back (Eli Escobar Disco Remix)

Friendly Fires - Paris feat. Au Revoir Simone (Aeroplane Remix)

Glass Candy - Life After Sundown

Lipps Inc - How Long

D- Malice - Keep On

Antena - Camino Del Soul (Joakim Remix)

Vitalic - Still

Jinder - Youth Blood (Tony Senghore Remix)

Retro/Grade - Moda

Röyksopp - What Else Is There? (Thin White Duke Remix)

Jinder - Youth Blood (Boeoes Kaelstigen Remix)

Noob & Brodinski - Peanut's Club (Momma's Boy Remix)

Jinder - Youth Blood (Eric Ericksson Remix)

Jinder - Youth Blood (Yourhighness Remix)

The Juan Maclean - Happy House

Richard X feat. Kelis - Finest Dreams

Lützenkirchen - Music For The Girls (John Dahlbaeck Remix)

Boy 8-Bit - Wolfen

Jinder - Youth Blood (Erase Remix)

Acid Jacks - Mookie (Curses! Makin You Nervous Remix)

Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet with Butterfly Wings

Burzum - Die Liebe Nerpus

Jinder - Youth Blood (Villa Remix)

Fever Ray - Now's The Only Time I Know

Burial - Raver

Daft Punk - There's Something About Us

Sober or not, it sounds really good loud.

Check the blog for the download link:

http://troubleandbass.blogspot.com/2009/12/jinder-youth-blood-scandinavian-remixes.html

Day 8: A meek week

2010-01-19T00:27:00.002Z

One week in and what was an effort is become a habit. I'm almost disappointed, like abstinence is too easy.

Admittedly caffeine is a crutch; I've no headache nor disabling spells of fatigue like last time. No booze naturally means no nausea or pain in the morning.

I've coughed a little when exercising but no bongs means the occasional racking spasms and wheezing has ceased. I had a good run round east London's Victoria Park yesterday. Normally I take it pretty easy but this time made a concerted effort to reel in those in front of me, and my legs'n'lungs responded rather than going 'Fuck off' like they usually do.

Mood-wise I'm generally pretty smug however I've found myself irritated by perceived transgressions of others, anger rising quickly within me. I got a bit aggressive with stall holders selling fried fish on Brick Lane when they forgot my order then wouldn't give the £4 back 'cos the guy that took it was on a break. Music combative in tone or dark in subject matter appeals.

This happened last year, as did the vivid and episodic dreams. So far I've been up a mountain trying to work out a route across a steep face, on a train to Ireland arguing about shifts with a mate I fell out with years ago, and a few other scenarios which felt significant at the time but are now just out of my mind's reach. Said visions are an oft-noted side effect following the cessation of cannabis consumption; I've been here before.

Sunday is usually smoke day, and altho the time went quite slowly I wasn't tempted to break out the weed yesterday to ease boredom. Mostly I Facebooked and consumed news. I haven't delved much into the Qu'ran much following my initial burst.

I feel I've a great deal of information to process. Ideas need to be wrangled, data synthesized, conclusions drawn.

e2 - 2009

Swap an email address for 'Welcome To Hell' by Plan B:

http://wmuk-apache.co.uk/planb/downloadpage/planb.html

Day 6: I fell off the wagon. God I'm shit

2010-01-16T20:29:00.002Z

I thought I was strong but I was wrong. Like a piece of fruit squashed in a juicer I succumbed to pressure, my will dissolving like fructose.

Last night, or more accurately in the early hours of this morning, I was in Hoxton Kitchen and Bar (n16nu) with a group most certainly not abstaining.

First round went ok; I got a coke, they got shots. The sambuca dripped and I licked my finger. I'm normally not a fan of the sickly sweet kick but it appealed in this instance, especially given the atmosphere of merry abandon.

To the dance floor we decamped. The music was classic pop, not original but certainly effective and before long I was thirsty and in the mood.

"Why are you being weird? Please have a shot," implored George. "Ok," I said, and chucked one back with barely a pang of guilt.

Actually I don't feel particularly remorseful now either. As my drinking finished as quickly as it started, I suffered no ill effects this morning. I drank a large mug of coffee to kick start the day and reflected on the night's adventure.

I've been here before altho that lapse was inadvertent whereas this was deliberate. Is GUDBL still on? Most definitely yes. I flirted with failure as opposed to engaging in a full on love affair and am confident I'll remain faithful to the cause for next six weeks or so.

On Monday I visited 93 Feet East (e16ru) with another drinking buddy but no alcohol passed my lips.

Jenni @ 93 Feet East - January 11, 2010

And here's a flippin' awesome mix from Colin Peters:
http://soundcloud.com/colin-peters/20th-century-boy

Day 3: It's on not unlike Donkey Kong

2010-01-14T00:18:00.005Z

Here we go again. Or more accurately, here I stop going.

Earlier readers will be familiar with the general concept, but basically this blog is a chronicle of abstinence from those psychoactive substances colloquially known as drugs for the period of Lent.

The sharper among you may have already worked out it's not actually Lent right now.

Does this blunt the point? Probably, but I'm traveling during a lot of Lent 2010 (February 17 to April 3) and I don't fancy doing the various scheduled social engagements, which include a wedding, entirely sober.

A wowser would probably be tolerated but you'd better have a really good excuse like pregnancy or imminent death from liver cirrhosis. Neither apply.

The drugs bit is more important than the Lent bit anyway.

FYI I'm not a person of faith altho my interest in spirituality is become more prevalent. Last year I perused a King James Bible rescued from a godless flatmate, this year I'm getting into the Qur'an, a English translation of which was gifted to me by a bloke down Brick Lane one Sunday late last year.

From a quick search I understand Islam prohibits the use of all recreational drugs except nicotine and caffeine. Obviously this is inconsistent from a health point of view, as extended use of the former is fucking dangerous and the latter comparatively harmless. More on this later I expect.

This year, hopefully with the blessing of the Prophet Muhammad, I'm exempting caffeine from my regime. That's worth repeating - coffee is on! Tea is made! Beans are snorted! The java is jived! Uhngh yeah - hit me!

Why? Because I feel like it really. Not that last year life sans caffeine was as painful as expected. Sure I got a splitting headache, but in general I slumbered like a big hairy baby, crazy dreams notwithstanding. That was nice, but coffee is nicer.

From a health point of view, mostly this is about booze and especially cannabis. Post-Lent I failed in my attempt to become a weekend smoker, achieving maybe a 10% success rate :(

Mostly I just toked daily as usual. However I don't have smokers' lungs; I cough and splutter and wheeze, and that pisses me off.

So I want to switch to other forms of ingesting it, which will probably involve me baking cookies or similar, unless the oral spray I've read about becomes available. Munching on a brownie after work would probably be problematic, as it typically takes ages to kick in and I don't want to be trashed at 10pm. So we'll see how that goes come the end of next month.

Re: booze, my flat is currently dry. Actually, there's a couple of bottles of vodka and whisky in the kitchen but my flatmates have stopped drinking in the aftermath of New Year's so I figure I might as well join 'em.

"I want to reset my relationship with alcohol," was the phrase used which sounds very mature and impressive. Judging from Facebook status updates there are a few others who've come to a similar conclusion so let's call it a movement.

I last had a drink on Saturday night, last smoked on Sunday. Not entirely sure how long I'll last. Feel free to tempt me.

And here's a few totally free music downloads, best played loud.

Little Secrets (Jokers of the Scene remix) by Passion Pit:

http://rcrdlbl.com/artists/Jokers_Of_The_Scene/track/Passion_Pit_-_Little_Secrets_Jokers_Of_The_Scene_Remix

Byrds of Prey (Marco Del Horno remix) by Bertie Blackman:

http://www.xlr8r.com/mp3/2009/11/byrds-prey-marco-del-horno-remix

Lions (Douster remix) by Malente & Dex:

http://www.xlr8r.com/mp3/2009/11/lions-douster-remix

Day 6 (out of 17521 according to DeathClock.com): Clubbing with drugs

2009-04-15T23:06:00.003+01:00

After several days of boozing and smoking and popping the odd pill I can now safely assert that clubbing with drugs is definitely a lot more fun than clubbing without drugs.

It's also hugely more expensive, as even my comparatively brief bender made clear to me. It's funny how when I'm wasted I actively want to spend money.

It's not so much that I don't mind, or I'm not aware of it, I actually really enjoy paying for things. A round of drinks at a bar seems like a worthwhile investment; the chink of ice on glass a reassuringly expensive sound.

It's also been nice to stock up on a bit of grass tho I'm trying to become a weekend smoker rather than a daily toker as previously.

Despite a few pangs I got thru today unstoned which I'm pleased with altho after my reasonably hedonistic weekend my dry cough has returned like it had never been away. I do smoke neat with a short pipe so adjusting the delivery of the hit would probably be the best way to mollify the adverse effects.

My drinking form has been remarkably good given my long lay off. I probably had about an average of one beverage an hour between 10pm Sunday and 10am Monday and I didn't throw up or feel particularly sick at any point.

My restraint was assisted by the lack of card facilities at the bars of the warehouse rave. This meant there I had a fairly decent break from around 3am when I ran out of cash till about 7am at the after party during which time I had to rely on the generosity of friends to wet my whistle.

My water intake was fairly steady consistent, which is always recommended when taking pills. Of those I consumed around three containing an unknown quantity of MDMA.

They certainly did the trick and from their look the frazzled and bedazzled company I kept thought so too.

My intake was complemented by a small bump of ketamine and a lot of passive tobacco smoking. I'm not into cigarettes but people seem to have a better time when they're smoking so I guess I'm a supporter of the right of citizens to smoke on special occasions like raves and the arrival of babies.

Last night I got quite drunk at the pub to celebrate the occasion of my 36th birthday and altho I didn't get a hangover I've been tired all day which no amount of fully leaded tea has been able to cure.

So that's me for tonight. If you're bed bound sleep well - I know I will.

For a bit of warehouse vibe download 'Remember' by Noze right here - thanks for the link Dan

Day 2 (out of 17521 according to DeathClock.com): Back on the drugs again

2009-04-11T20:07:00.001+01:00

In the past 24 hours I have consumed the following:

2 x cups of coffee
2 x cups of tea
1 x bottle of very nice champagne
3 x puffs of cannabis

Mostly it's felt good, like coming home. I did feel a little nauseous last night but poisoning myself with fucking lentils on Wednesday probably didn't help.

As a consequence I've eaten little in the past couple of days and was a little wary of how my stomach would cope with the bubbles. But I drank it over the course of three or four hours and with food which softened the blow. The cannabis eased the symptoms of the food poisoning which was very welcome but didn't make me hugely high for some reason.

Weirdly the first cup of coffee didn't affect me at all. I was expecting to bounce off the walls but was disappointed. Don't go to the Bean on Curtain Rd if you want the caffeine jitters. I did have another much more pleasant and buzzy latte in Angel earlier today which did the trick.

Learn about caffeine "the most popular performance-enhancing drug in the world" right here:

www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/sport

Day 44 (out of 45): Not fit for purpose

2009-04-09T22:41:00.038+01:00

Alcohol and drugs - you hear and read about them all the time. The phrase is very popular in newspapers, tv programs, the internet and daily speech. It's also very misleading. Clearly it should be alcohol and other drugs.

As you may have worked out, one of the main points this blog makes is that just about everybody is now, or was at some point, a recreational drug user.

Caffeine is a recreational drug, cannabis is a recreational drug, alcohol is a recreational drug, MDMA, nicotine, cocaine, heroin, etc etc.

Yes it is possible to live a life without ingesting any of these, as I have mostly done over the past 40-odd days, tho I don't recommend it as some kind of ideal.

Teetotalism is nice enough for a holiday but I wouldn't want to live here.

I believe recreational drug use to be an enjoyable pastime, hence the name. It would seem a lot of people, perhaps even the majority, agree.

A phrase like "alcohol and drugs" attempts to separate semantically drug users and alcohol users. Its use strips association and meaning.

By employing it the user attempts to create two real world categories when in fact one is a subset of the other. Basically, we're all in this together.

Referring disparagingly to drug users as a group of risk-taking transgressors is an unkind and inaccurate generalisation.

Which isn't to say there aren't risks associated with all drug use.

What's the best way to manage these risks? A classification system that takes into account the relative harm posed by the use of various drugs would be a start.

Surely we have one of those already, legislators would argue. However is there evidence to show the current drug classification system is based on relative harms?

The short answer is no. In fact there's a lot of evidence to the contrary: intuitive, anecdotal and scientific.

Use of substances that can be bought legally in any local shop kill thousands, most notably cigarettes.

Drugs designated Class A, most notably MDMA, are comparatively benign.

The Science and Technology Committee is appointed by the House of Commons in the United Kingdom to examine the expenditure, administration and policy of the Office of Science and Innovation and its associated public bodies.

Their report, entitled 'Drug classification: making a hash of it?' features this graph produced by a team from respected medical journal the Lancet showing mean harm rating of recreational drugs as assessed by independent experts.

Since this report was published ketamine has been classified C and cannabis B

The full report can be found here.

This study factors in the social harms of drug use, which are much greater for illegal drug use due to law enforcement and social stigma. Take that out of the equation and illegal drugs move further down the relative scale.

Interestingly it opines the current system places drugs in "arbitrary" categories. To me the current classification system makes most sense if viewed as measure of recreational effectiveness.

In other words, the more fun it is the more illegal it is.

Thus MDMA, which is largely safe, is Class A because it's very entertaining. Heroin and cocaine use is also extremely pleasurable, and arguably equally dangerous. Due to the felicity of their use, these two are both A in class.

Smoking joints? Quite fun, altho not particularly dangerous, therefore Class B.

Conversely tho smoking tobacco is a practice that has killed millions, it will not get you particularly high. Fags are thus available in every corner shop.

So what does this mean?

It means that most of what attempts to be drug education is bullshit. Yes you have been lied to since you were a child.

States such as Afghanistan, Mexico and Colombia have been destabilized due to the trade in prohibited substances, resulting in huge loss of life and great expense.

We live in a society in which the more forceful powers of the state have been co-opted by a view that getting high is immoral. However despite this antipathy recreational drug use has thrived.

MONEY

The UK could save £14bn annually should it adopt a more rational drugs policy with regards to heroin and cocaine, claims drugs reform charity Transform.

Read the report here.

A POSSIBLE FUTURE

Maybe London's bumbling mayor Boris Johnson was on to something when he banned drinking on the tube and buses.

How about this for a policy tailor made for conservatives who want less state regulation and a greater respect for law and order: All public drug use is prohibited.

That means no drinking in the street, no smoking cigarettes or anything else. But in private homes or licensed premises you can do what you like, within reason.

You can have that one for free, David Cameron.

Below is a proposal for availability and regulation of commonly used recreational drugs.

Tobacco: 18+

Smoking in all public spaces prohibited.

Pubs and bars can have, should they choose, one well ventilated room where tobacco smokers can congregate without having to go outside the premises. Smoking allowed on terraces and rooftops.

Also available from off-licensed premises. Education material a condition of licences.

Smoking in the workplace remains prohibited, smoking in private homes and cars is permitted.

Cannabis: 18+

See tobacco (above).

Alcohol: 18+

Available from on-licensed premises and off-licences. Street drinking prohibited except for licensed special occasions such as the Notting Hill Carnival for example. Education material and medical staff a condition of on-licences.

MDMA: 18+

Available on-licensed premises only. Education material and medical staff a condition of on-licences.

Heroin: prescription only

Available to addicts at no charge. Heroin to be consumed where dispensed.

Amphetamine: prescription only

Available to addicts at no charge. Amphetamine to be consumed where dispensed.

Cocaine: 18+ and prescription

A tough one this. I think anybody with even a limited experience of cocaine use knows how moreish it can be. Prohibition clearly hasn't worked but widespread availability, in cocaine bars, for example could prove problematic. How about a few cocaine bars trialled in inner city areas? They're likely to attract trouble but at least not all the profits would go to unregulated and violent distribution syndicates.

Also available to addicts at no charge. Cocaine to be consumed where dispensed.

LSD, mushrooms, other psychedelics: 18+

Off-licensed premises only. Available education material a condition of licences.

Day 36 (out of 45): April Tool

2009-04-01T22:02:00.006+01:00

So here we are in April. Earlier today G20 protesters have skirmished bloodily outside the Bank of England while here in politically apathetic Shoreditch my major achievement is not dissolving into a pool of whimpering self pity.

I can confirm that no recreational drugs in psychoactive quantities have entered my system since my little slip up on March 14 - my tea has been decaffeinated, my drinks soft, my weed unsmoked, my clubbing drug free.

In comparison to the violent ructions just down the road my mood is generally calm however I have noticed I have been quick to engage in confrontation in both my work and private life.

This phenomenon could be related to the decrease in my cannabis consumption. Anecdotally marijuana renders users both less willing and less able to deal with conflict, or maybe I'm just a bit ratty generally.

I have read some evidence to suggest smoking dope regularly is not good for one's immune system but despite abstaining I duly caught the cold that had been doing the rounds at my workplace.

Perhaps my immunity had been compromised by exercise, which I have been partaking in regularly and quite strenuously. I guess it's hard to know for sure.

My fitness has improved noticeably, particularly running. I can run 8k plus more comfortably and maintain top speed when sprinting for longer. I half want to get in trouble with the police to find out if I'll be able to get away.

My bank balance has benefited. I bought the odd round of drinks in bars but definitely no more than two on any given night, and more often than not boozers have taken pity on my sober self and shouted me a fruit juice. Cannabis expenses were probably between £30 and £40 per month and altho pills are cheaper than beers the circumstances surrounding their consumption usually lead to overly generous splurges in random locations.

I'm definitely not looking forward to certain aspects of boozing again, principally the nausea and the expense. I guess that's where self control comes in. Will I have more or will I make up for my 40 days and nights in the teetotal wilderness?

Dunno but I wish I'd been more wasted when I went to this:

Ettiene de Crecy @ Matter - March 27, 2009

A week and a bit to go!

Day 27: Clubbing without drugs

2009-03-23T23:48:00.007Z

While there are artistic and social considerations, the unique selling point of clubs as compared to other environments is the facilitation of recreational drug use.

Far and away the most prevalent substance in clubs is alcohol, followed in no particular order by caffeine, cocaine, THC, MDMA, nicotine, ketamine, GHB, nitrous oxide, poppers and those shitty so-called herbal pills that are semi-legal but can make you feel fucking awful the next day. I guess people do LSD in clubs too but tripping is more agreeable when you've nothing but the sky above your head, IMO. As for heroin nobody has ever offered me it in a party environment, which tallies with its effects.

So what's clubbing like without any of these aids to recreation? I found out on Saturday.

Another weekend, another costume party. This time the theme was wigs, which gave me the opportunity to recycle my Slash costume from earlier. I popped round to my friend's place who was dolled up as Amy Winehouse pre-rehab, complete with (drawn on) self-harming scars. After me'n'Amy tattooed each other with pens we made our way to the gig via the very un-rock star mode of public transport.

The North London Tavern (nw6 7qb) was populated by a number of other bewigged patrons by the time we arrived who progressively got more raucous as the night wore on. My sobriety didn't seem to affect relations with my fellow partygoers, indeed I got a bit of a contact buzz from socializing with the druggies.

Despite waking at the hour of 7am or so that morning I felt sufficiently energized to consider further options when the wig out party petered out sometime after midnight. I had a friend attending Fabric nightclub (ec1m 3hm) so I utilized London's extensive and reasonably punctual night bus system which got me there in about an with one change at Tottenham Court Rd.

At the Farringdon venue I was frisked thoroughly to the point of sexual assault tho weirdly the bouncer didn't check the hat I carried in my hand, which contained the wig and probably enough room for 50 pills, had I been bold enough to attempt a spot of smuggling. I'm not sure what it was about me which induced the bloke to cup my balls but I guess he's just doing his job.

Feeling a touch violated I did that disoriented-wander-round-Fabric thing till I finally blagged my way into the VIP where my mate was at. He kindly bought me an oj and we chatted about the music (Pole doing a live set - phat) and employment prospects (slim).

The club was busy enough however and I talked to one festival promoter who said they'd sold out their event, which went smoothly apart from over zealous security, a common theme it seems.

Our vantage point above the main room dance floor afforded us an excellent view and enough volume to give a taste of the action below. While I didn't do any actual dancing I did sway from side to side occasionally and stayed till about 3am, which is probably enough to be considered clubbing in a technical sense.

Sunday I awoke after only about five or six hours sleep which was ok until I did the Grandpa Simpson nap thing again at around 8pm. It's really a bit scary how easily I succumbed to fatigue. Ok, I was lying down reading but it really felt like being pinned to the bed by jet lag.

Today I felt a bit crappy and I keep fantasizing about smoking weed and drinking coffee. Boozing only really occurs to me when around others who are imbibing. I normally like a glass of wine with dinner but I haven't really craved one for a couple of weeks now. I've got a stupid cold so it's hard to judge if my respiratory system has improved but I've lost the dry hack I'd developed previously. Now it's a wet hack with a runny nose.

I feel a little trimmer but I don't weigh myself so I'm not sure if that's just my self-congratulatory imagination. Anyway, check out another narcissist blog with a tons of great downloadable music. His name is Pelski. His blog is called, naturally, You Can Call Me Pelski:

http://ppelectro.blogspot.com/

So what's clubbing like without drugs? Bearable. Wouldn't want to do it every weekend tho.

Day 23: Is half way half full or half empty?

2009-03-19T23:04:00.010Z

I didn't think the number 23 was very auspicious but I just Googled it and I'm very wrong.

Not only is it a prime number and therefore like really important in mathematics for all sorts of reasons, it's also one of The Numbers in the tv series 'Lost'. I was really into that program for a while but our paths diverged somewhere in the middle of season three. Was 23 significant or not? Actually don't tell me, I'll get the DVDs.

More pertinently to my mission to give up drugs for Lent, 23 is also the number of the Bible's most famous Psalm. You know the "Lord is my shepherd" one with the bit about "the valley of the shadow of death" that Coolio lifted for 'Gangsta's Paradise'.

Not that I've felt particularly in need of divine intervention so far. Apart from a bit of a headache on Day 4 and the knowledge that all you coffee swilling, alcohol snorting, hash brownie scoffing druggies are having a better time than me I've made it to the half way point* with little trauma.

If I was up a mountain I'd be in the death zone, or if I was running a marathon I could probably do with a lie down. But this is the opposite of doing something strenuous. The only requirement is to cease putting in the effort to source, purchase and consume drugs, which is surely less taxing than actually doing all the aforementioned.

Camomile tea helps and friends, colleagues and acquaintances have been largely supportive, if a little quizzical. Some have asked if I'm Catholic and I've had to explain that Lent is a big deal to all Christians, not that I'm very Christian, which makes even less sense.

I have tried to focus a little more on spiritual matters which mostly involved a bit of Bible browsing and staring at the wall wondering if this makes me feel closer to god.

No is the short answer tho as mentioned earlier I feel a bit calmer, possibly due to improved respiration. Not pumping myself full of stimulants helps too no doubt tho I have had a couple of weird Grandpa Simpson-like nap situations where I've passed out after a meal.

The most recent of these was last Monday evening. I'd eaten a fairly decent-sized dinner then lay on my bed reading the remainder of Saturday's Guardian when gradually I felt ve-r-y s-l-e-e-e-p-p-y-y-zz-zzz-zzzz. Next thing I know it's three hours later and I'm all bright eyed, which is an arse at 11pm.

Normally reading a good thick novel knocks me out so I continued with Martin Amis's 'London Fields' but instead the effect is the opposite of soporific I got right into the terrific action featuring murderee Nicola Six and the entertainingly vile Keith Talent.

When I next check the time it's 1.30am so deciding this could go on for too long I switched off the light and lay there hoping sweet sleep would take me away. This she did reasonably promptly, and after a dream I'll attempt to illustrate at a future date I awoke reasonably refreshed at 8ish to a fine day.

I didn't have to be at work till later so I walked along Regent's Canal in the sunshine and found these pretty black butterflies.

Regent's Canal - March 17, 2009

Regent's Canal - March 17, 2009

*Actually I've decided I'm giving up giving up on day 45, one day before Lent officially finishes so I'm a little over half way already.

Day 27 BL (Before Lent): A horse in the George

2009-03-17T21:34:00.006Z

Back when I was drinking I'd enjoy a pint of Guinness and chuckle at silly things like this mechanical horse chewing a carrot in the George & Dragon (e2 7ns).

Sigh.

George & Dragon, London - January 28, 2009

Day 18 (out of 45): I fell off the wagon

2009-03-14T21:32:00.005Z

Oh dear. Bless me reader(s) for I have slipped up. What makes this situation particularly galling is that I did it twice, and I didn't even realise till this morning.

So there I was in Brick Lane at about 5.30 yesterday evening having arranged to meet my mate Dan "One Box" for a hot salt beef bagel (or beigel as they spell 'em) with special sinus-cauterizing mustard.

A bit of local graffiti from a couple of years back

I was hungry as I'd had a busy day at work in Clubtickets towers and only managed a couple of crackers for lunch. Rather rudely I ordered before Dan arrived and as normal also purchased a cup of over-brewed tea served in a styrofoam cup.

It didn't even occur to me that I'd sworn off proper tea for Lent as I greedily scoffed the pink beast meat washed down with the hot tannin tang I have come to associate with the place as much as glaring fluorescent light and corpulent serving staff.

When Dan arrived I got him to buy me a piece of cheesecake and amazingly another cuppa. He didn't click either as we sat outside on the chairs thoughtfully provided by the neighbouring cafe whose products we weren't consuming. I didn't get a noticeable caffeine rush and we strolled on down the Lane to Rough Trade East talking the usual shit about music and economics.

Despite my failure to follow the self-imposed no drugs dictum, I didn't descend a slippery slope to a full on bender. I got to bed sober and full after a second dinner party kindly put on by my friend and fellow Bethnal Green resident Annabel.

I think I slept normally and woke up around 8 this morning. It was only when I made myself a cup of decaf tea that I realised what I'd done the previous night. I mentally slapped myself in the head and pondered what this means for my abstinence program.

Is it still on? Yes. I still intend to go without psychoactive drugs till April 11, or midnight on April 10 as I can't be arsed doing another sober Saturday and there's a really good party on that night.

Can I claim to have given up drugs for the period of Lent? No, but as decaf tea/coffee contains up to 0.2% caffeine and there's a bit in chocolate too I was already technically in breach anyway.

So, my bad: I drank two cups of tea on black Friday, March 13, 2009.

How do I feel in general? A bit different actually; calmer, less worried about being bored which tended to spur my previous cannabis use, fitter, and slightly smug when I wake up on Saturday morning with not even the faintest vestige of a hangover.

I think I'll do it again next year.

Not had enough of self-obsessed people wanking on about themselves on blogs? Check www.trashmenagerie.com for loads of great free music!

Day whatever: The future's bright

2009-03-09T22:09:00.009Z

Yup, still sober.

OJ Review

Establishment: The Hoxton Pony, 104-108 Curtain Road, EC2A 3AH
www.thehoxtonpony.com
Price: £2.50
What I got: A half pint glass with lots of ice and orange juice about a centimetre from the top.
Assessment: Delicious - tart, cold, gone too soon.

Establishment: Drunken Monkey, 222 Shoreditch High Street, E1 6PJ
www.thedrunkenmonkey.co.uk
Price: £2.40
What I got: Same as at the Pony. What is it with these short soft drink measures? To the top, bar bitches! I need all the stimulation I can get, even if it is just vitamin C.
Assessment: Quite nice.

Establishment: Cantaloupe, 35-42 Charlotte Road, EC2A 3PD
Price: More like it - £1.50
What I got: Half pint approx. of orange juice. At first the barman filled it right to the top with ice and I thought 'Here we go again with the half a bloody iceberg' but despite having his back turned he somehow registered my displeasure and tipped a bit out. Nice ESP skills. They must have had a bit of a run on OJ so he had to go out the back and get another carton.
Assessment: Quite nice.

Establishment: Gallery Bar, 93 Feet East, 150 Brick Lane, E1 6QL
www.93feeteast.co.uk
Price: Free! It was a friend's birthday and she generously shouted everybody a drink upon their arrival. Later that night I met a Slash fan who bought me another one.
What I got: Can't really remember, I was too busy rocking out and didn't take notes.
Assessment: I didn't spit it out. Slash would've.

Establishment: The Star Of Bethnal Green, 359 Bethnal Green Road, E2 6LG
www.starofbethnalgreen.com
Price: Dunno, my mate bought it.
What I got: Tumbler half full of ice, then filled with my new fruity liquid friend.
Assessment: Ok. I'd only been straight edge for a couple of days and what I really wanted was a beer.

Day 10: I made out with Peaches Geldof

2009-03-06T21:53:00.006Z

As mentioned in an earlier briefing, I'm sleeping very soundly at the moment. Last night I retired sometime after eleven and I estimate I dropped off before midnight. My dreams have been vivid, which is not unusual for me, but also coherent in narrative, which is less common.

Last night in my nocturnal wanderings I was accompanied an old friend, James. We were at a night called Redlight, an afterhours in Shoreditch run by guys I work with. Mostly we ambled from room to room checking out the trees which were growing inside the club.

There were several commotions to do with queues but finally the event gathered pace and I got into a flirty conversation with a girl I met very briefly a couple of years ago, Peaches Geldof (right, from an article I did for www.ibizaspotlight.com), leading to a spot of light petting on a couch.

I awoke, as is so often the case, desperate for a piss.

It was around half five and the usual clanking and banging of construction crews had yet to start. Grey light seeped from under the curtains.

While relieving myself I mused on the effect of the dream, which took me back several years to a time of basic urges felt deeply. Calm descended.

It occurred to me good night's sleep, especially one which featured what felt like a past episode from my life, is analogous to a dip in a fountain of youth.

Lucas Cranach's sexy painting 'Der Jungbrunnen' came to mind. I went back to my room and slid into bed to paddle for a while longer with the 500-year-old ladies.

Contrary to the judgement made in an earlier entry, I do feel a little different. I think the Howard Marks-esque bags under my eyes are fading.

Today I ate two pieces of cake, the last of which made me slightly nauseous.

Week 1: The end of the beginning

2009-03-03T22:59:00.003Z

One week in and it's going ok. I don't feel like I've reached a milestone tho. No profound thoughts on the nature of my drug use in particular, or drugs in general, have struck me.

Recalling previous episodes of drug use - sitting in a cafe having a strong espresso, down some dodgy alley smoking a joint, raving, quaffing a nice bottle of wine with friends - make me feel wistful.

I look forward to doing them all again, tho I will be a very cheap date.

Will I throw up on my shoes in 39 days? Check back for photos.

Looking north east

Days 4 & 5: Would Slash drink orange juice?

2009-03-01T19:11:00.005Z

It's the first of the month and the rest of March is stretching out in front of me like a dry, dusty desert. If the narrator of the poem 'The Waste Land' by T.S. Eliot (right) is correct and April is the cruellest month then this is gonna be tortuous.

Not in the authentic Binyam Mohamed razor-to-genitals type of torture of course, more of the middle class throw-toys-out-of-pram-if-I-don't-get-my-cannabis-lollipop style.

It was about 8pm last night that I thought seriously about quitting quitting.

Earlier I'd emerged from Camden tube station where 20 or more policemen and one dog were using up a huge amount of resources pretending to wait for a kingpin of the drug world to ride up the escalator and into their trap. In reality both they, and all the drug kingpins, know the only law breakers they'd apprehend would be some scared kids with a bit of personal on them.

As a drug free individual I eyeballed the handler daring him to stop me so I could make a big scene about wasting my time and theirs. But the dog just walked straight past, just like on a previous occasion when I did have some grass on me. What the moral of this story is I'm not sure. Take the bus maybe.

The renowned London shopping district's streets and warren-like stalls were packed and I fought my way thru looking for an appropriate costume for my friend Sarah's 80s-themed birthday party. I failed to find an INXS t-shirt so my plan to go as Michael Hutchence was binned. Eventually I ended up back at the stall where I started and bought a classic Guns'n'Roses number. That plus hat, guitar-shaped belt buckle, wig, and mirror shades completed my Slash outfit.

Period booty in hand I popped down to the Hermit's Cave in Camberwell to watch the Irish and English rugby teams batter each other about Croke Park. It was fun but would have been funner with a nice pint of Guinness.

On the way back I developed a splitting headache which brought on my urge to down a large cup of coffee, swiftly followed by several cans of strong Continental fighting lager and whatever else might be going. Instead I opted for two tabs of paracetamol then a couple of ibuprofen just to make sure.

Pain gone and ulcer possibly forming in digestive tract I donned my rock god costume and made the walk of shame down to Brick Lane's 93 Feet East. Actually they're used to outré dress sense so I'm fairly sure nobody batted an eyelid, not that I could tell from behind my sunglasses.

I stopped at a shop for 20 Marlboro Reds. 'Smoking kills' shrilled the packet. 'Hopefully I'll be safe if I just tuck it into the sleeve of my t-shirt', I thought.

At the party Madonna reintroduced me to Axl, resplendent in red kilt, while a Michael Jackson zombie, George Michael, Beetlejuice, a couple of Scooby Doo characters and others bounced on a space hopper and drunk-skated dangerously.

The birthday girl insisted I ingest some (non-psychoactive) Fizz Whizz and that plus orange juice made up my entire intake for the night. I feel like I let the real Slash down.

Today I went to the office and drank a cup of decaf tea which is a lot less rock'n'roll than this awesome and downloadable Peaches vs Drums of Death Mixtape.

Day 3: Into temptation

2009-02-27T22:24:00.002Z

It's 10pm at the Star of Bethnal Green. I'm standing at the very crowded bar with a fiver in my hand attempting to attract the barman's attention. Finally he makes his way over and I order a lovely cold pint of Beck's Vier. He passes it to me... and I pass it to my mate Ed, who in his capacity as PR man for the event certainly deserves it.

It was totally rocking last night and altho tempted I didn't succumb to lure of booze and thus made it past the 48 hour mark. Result!

Despite my sobriety I managed to enjoy myself and socialise with all the lovely lushes. I left around half eleven and made the short journey to my estate.

Like the previous night I wasn't tired despite the relatively late hour but almost as soon as I lay down a wave of tiredness overtook me and I was out like my bedside light.

Today I awoke feeling refreshed altho without my normal caffeine injection it took me a while to get moving and I blundered about feeling a bit disoriented.

A quick run seemed like a good idea and I had a trot round Weaver's Field to make the most of the sunshine, pop songs buzzing in my head.

Crowded House 'Into Temptation' (1988)

We can go sailing in
Climb down
Lose yourself when you linger long
Into temptation
Right where you belong

The guilty get no sleep
In the last slow hours of morning
Experience is cheap
I should've listened to the warning
But the cradle is soft and warm

Day 2: Rex, Mel and Kim

2009-02-26T21:16:00.000Z

Just a quick one as tonight I have my first real test - a visit to the pub.

Tonight Rex the Dog is playing at the Star of Bethnal Green, which would normally be appealing because it's just a short stagger to my place, the view from which can be seen in the photo above (minus Gonzo of course).

Tonight I plan to stay sober, so what's in it for me? The music and company, of course!

I guess I'll find out if that's enough fairly shortly. My friends better be funny.

Here's a link to a five minute mix of some Rex music, including Mel & Kim, if you're interested.

http://rexthedog.net/minimixupdate.htm

Day 1

2009-02-25T22:30:00.007Z

I don't feel my best. The expected caffeine withdrawal headache has yet to kick in but I'm quite tired and a bit bored. Normally by this hour I'll have had several cups of tea or coffee, maybe a glass or two of wine with dinner and probably a puff of cannabis.

Right now I'm totally sober and feeling slightly bereft. Why did I decide to do this again?

I guess health reasons mostly. In terms of actual combustible material I don't smoke a great deal but in the past year I have found myself coughing and spluttering in the morning and occasionally short of breath. Which is a bit strange because I can still manage to run a few miles, preferably downhill with a tailwind.

As for caffeine I really like coffee and tea in all their forms and in this department I expect to crack quite quickly, like maybe tomorrow. I don't normally have a problem sleeping and I don't expect a big improvement now I'm teetotal.

Perhaps to compensate for my impending abstention I did have a few drinks at the pub last night. I downed three pints of lager and a couple of glasses of wine which is more than average for me but I felt fine this morning.

I seldom drink to the point where I'm incapacitated by a hangover but even a few drinks the night before can make me feel groggy the next day, an aggravating situation if I'm trying to make the most of a day off, or work even.

The day after taking MDMA the night before I usually really enjoy but I figure if I'm going to give up drugs I shouldn't make exceptions. Neither cocaine, nicotine, LSD, heroin, nor any other psychotropic substances play a large part in my life and I'm not expecting anybody to turn up with a bucket of them at my door, so that part is probably going to be reasonably easy.

As for the timing, Lent is a Christian season of fasting and prayer which starts today, Ash Wednesday. I don't consider myself a Christian by faith, altho I did go to a lot of church when I was younger. My parents always gave something up for Lent, normally alcohol, and I guess this current project is in some way inspired by them. Hopefully by April 11 I'll have saved a bit of cash too and managed to avoid being disowned by my friends as an antisocial dullard.

I'll leave you with this childish but amusing YouTube vid:

Anyway, off home to read the Bible. Good night!